Around that period of my life, I had a dream about New York. The city, which I often looked at with such admiration and charm on the Internet, felt just like Moscow. There was a slightly different architecture, but on the whole it could have been an ordinary Moscow district. And that was the main idea that I had in that dream – that the USA is exactly the same country. When I woke up, I reluctantly agreed with this “message”, but, while still being very stubborn, I did not change my goals. In fact, until that moment I did not really want to learn anything about the USA because I used to have a strange desire of unknown origin to be a “pioneer” and personally discover America once I was already in it. I did not want to learn about the country beyond its borders from other people"s life experiences.
I also noticed that when I was completely relaxed, the asymmetry of my lip due to my old bite was almost invisible. This was a confirmation of my long-standing reasoning that the muscles of my right cheek, which I felt was more tense during fantasizing than the left, also played an important role in the fact that the lip seemed very crooked under tension. I should have been happy with this, but since there was still a barely noticeable asymmetry, I sadly thought to myself then that now there was no point in going to the doctor, and, accordingly, this asymmetry would remain with me for life.
Another consequence of my relaxation was that my eyes also relaxed, which also completely restored my vision that was somewhat blurry when my brain was overburdened. While still working as a courier, I even went to the ophthalmologist for eye diagnostics, but as it turned out, in my case I just needed to relax my mind and body in order to regain my vision.
In general, I was very optimistic about my future. I just wanted to live a happy life, believing that everything good should be given just like that. I thought that bad things and negative periods in my life, like my stuttering, were just accidents of our existence.
From time to time, I thought about going somewhere and asking women and girls what they thought about my appearance. Did they consider me beautiful and did my lip and balding head bother them? I never did this, which was one of the mistakes.
I noticed an unusual thing when while being outside, I could often get out of my mind and be focused on reality, but each time I entered my apartment I would immediately see how I was losing this state of mind and becoming absorbed in my thoughts. Perhaps the thing was that at home I had nothing to cling to with my attention, as everything was the same old way in our apartment, or it just reminded me of the past and the present… After some time, I began to gain focus of mind at home too, but I would still get absorbed in my mind after each arrival of my mother from the village, since I could no longer be in silence.
Here I need to talk about one very important and unusual incident in my life. There was a time when I caught a cold on the street, and at home I had a runny nose, a sore throat, and a fever. I knew that I would be ill for at least five days, since for about such a period I had always recovered before. Also, my mood always worsened greatly during the illness. At that time, I did not want to lose all the joy and pleasure of life that I gained through meditation and concentration on reality. It is a little hard for me to explain what happened next, but I will try my best. I was in the toilet when I decided that I would not be depressed because of all the sensations that we feel during illness. Then I realized that those painful feelings are simple data that must exist so that we can find out that there is a virus in us and we could take appropriate measures, and therefore there is no reason to experience bad emotions due to painful sensations, since those feelings are neither good nor bad – these are just data that we feel in this way for our own protection. I immediately turned that new way of thinking into reality and was
Due to the fact that I did not want to meet girls, I continued to masturbate from time to time, because thoughts about sex prevented me from thinking, and the urge to masturbate while browsing porn sites was quite strong at a time when my defense was breaking through, and constant thoughts about sex consumed my mind after all…
All that has a beginning has an end. It was two years since I found my answer about stuttering. To this day, I consider those years to be the best in my life, since then I for the first time started to really live a free life, and I had many choices. Yes, there were problems, but I no longer ran away from them, and tried to solve them… but I was not solving all my problems, thinking that I would solve them in the future… which never came.
Because I continued to masturbate, not wishing to redirect the time spent on masturbation and pornography to searching for a girlfriend and love, my health could no longer recover quickly enough after each such session…
Once I went out for a walk. I remember exactly how while walking along Bul"var Marshala Rokossovskogo I tried to concentrate on my breathing in order to slow it and my pulse down. Previously, with normal meditations at home, I could successfully normalize both breathing and heart rate, after which I felt perfect. This time it was different. On Boytsovaya Ulitsa I started experiencing strong coronary symptoms and my mind became cloudy. It was very scary, and I immediately went home. I felt very sick during the whole walk, and I was just thinking about getting to the house and not falling down somewhere. The distance to the house was not at all great, but because of my panic it seemed painfully huge…
Since then I was in bed for a long time, not being able to walk even a few meters, as I began to have difficulty in breathing and I was overcome by an almost all-consuming panic. My heart then beat very hard, and if before by a new day the pulse returned to normal, during those times my heart was beating constantly. At one time an old acquaintance came to my apartment, and when I opened the door I could barely stand on my feet. I do not know how I did not fall then… And when I was washing, I could not help noticing how a huge amount of hair began to come out of my head.
A door that was suddenly and loudly opened two years ago was no less loudly shut in front of me.
This was the third time that I could really say goodbye to this life, as I was disappointed in it. I did nothing bad to anyone: I did not harm anyone; did not lie to girls to sleep with them; stopped swearing with my mother; was educating myself and just wanted to live a normal life, just like everyone else – no more and no less – but it seemed that exactly and only I was punished. I was also disappointed in a capitalist-oriented society.
As before, I still had the last thread of hope, which was then Aura about which I had read so long ago and not so long ago I had thought about writing a screenplay where Aura would play a role. My idea was very simple – if Auras really exist, and people could see them in ancient times, then this means that anyone can learn to see them, including me. If I could prove to myself their existence, it would mean that in this world there is something more worth living for, that life is not an empty pursuit of money, which it is for many people of our time.
With these thoughts I typed in the Google browser “how to see Auras”…
Chapter 5. Thiaoouba
The first on the search list in that fall of 2008 was the website www.thiaoouba.com. The owner of the site, Tom Chalko, wrote about Auras and about an exercise for the eyes which, as he says, should help train the human brain for the vision of the Aura. That exercise consisted in looking with crossed eyes at a picture with a black dot in the middle and two circles on the sides. One circle was red with a thick horizontal strip passing through its center, and the other was blue, with a vertical strip of the same thickness crossing its center. During a crossed staring at that picture, both circles merge into one in our mind, and, depending on which hemisphere of the brain is active, it will seem that one circle is in front of the other. The goal is for a person to see a white cross in the middle of a single circle, which would mean the simultaneous operation of both hemispheres of the brain.
While reading Tom’s website, I often came across the name of Michel Desmarquet, who wrote the book “Thiaoouba Prophecy”. I was interested to know more about that person, and I found Michel’s video lecture on Google Videos.
That lecture was very modest, and Michel Desmarquet looked very open, kind, and playful man despite his age. As I watched the video, it became clear to me that extraterrestrials took him to their planet, Thiaoouba, and with each new minute of watching the lecture everything was getting more and more interesting to me. I think it was the time when Michel started talking about Auras that I realized I wanted to read his book “Thiaoouba Prophecy”. The fact that the free version of that e-book was officially posted on the Internet only strengthened my inner sense of the correctness of my decision to read Michel’s book.
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